dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Randomize
