I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
