is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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