i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
