why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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