I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Randomize
