Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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