It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
