covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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