after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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