mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
