I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
