so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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