who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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