Yo dont text me then not text me
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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