Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
