I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
