i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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