I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
