And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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