Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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