wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
