god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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