im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
