i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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