I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
