My first STD was from a foam party
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
