Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
