sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
