He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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