I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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