I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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