You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
