i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
