Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
we made out on top of his cat.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
