I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
