my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
