found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
