i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
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