imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
