It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
