My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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