Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
