dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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