I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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