I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
