So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
