Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
