And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
