Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
