Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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