this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
