I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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