So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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