we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
