i permit you to call me
so explain again why im purple
no
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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