Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
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it was like a zeppelin in a condom
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
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I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
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