So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
