Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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