ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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