i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
We had sex on a dog bed..
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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