I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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