he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You are the jesus of drinking
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Oh god it's open bar.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
