is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
