Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
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