I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Green mimosas i think yes
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
