Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
