you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
