I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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