If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
