the condom got lost in my hair
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
